Tonya Watkins Brown’s life is a miracle – simply put.

Tonya is a recovery support technician (RST) who works at the Central Illinois Center for Treatment of Addictions (CICTA), an intensive and extended stay program for women with severe addictions that is run under the auspices of the Human Service Center. The irony is that Tonya was once a resident at the facility where she now works.

Tonya says she had a “good childhood.” Her father left when she was two-years-old and her mother was a functional alcoholic. Her mother worked three jobs and provided food and a roof over her head. Tonya’s older brother was a drug addict and would later die from his disease. Tonya liked school overall and kept up B’s and C’s for her grades. She participated in cheerleading and track in high school.

Her descent into drug addiction began the night of high school graduation when she attended a weekend lock-in at a private home. Tonya had smoked marijuana since age 15 and was introduced to cocaine at the party.

“I fell in love with crack cocaine,” she said. “It gave me a release and an escape. The drug took me to a whole new world in my mind. Cocaine is a drug that wants more. The high lasts five minutes and then it comes crashing down.”

Tonya used cocaine to forget and run away from the pain inside her. She had abandonment issues because her father left and had no part in her life. She was told she was a failure and stupid by her brother and other people – and Tonya believed them.

“I believe there are what I call ‘stamps’ on your life. It might be someone saying you are stupid or worthless. These stamps collect in your heart and build up on the inside. Pretty soon you believe these negative ideas and beat yourself down and feel hopeless,” she explained.

At first, Tonya found she could get drugs by hanging out with people at parties, especially with young men. “My looks got me anything at first.” As the drug addiction progressed, Tonya lost interest in her personal hygiene and didn’t care if she looked good or took a bath. “After my looks ran out, I started shoplifting.” She also became pregnant with her first child at age 17.

Tonya became known as the “skinny disappearing woman” at local clothing stores and to police. She layered clothes upon clothes and sneaked out of stores and then sold the clothes on the street to feed her cocaine habit. Along the way she had another child. The father of both her children was also a drug addict.

Tonya was caught by police for shoplifting on several occasions and sent to prison, first at Dwight and then Logan correctional facilities. She looked at prison as a “rest period” where she was not involved in any problems. Tonya’s mother took her children while she stayed in prison.  Once she left prison with “gate money,” she started the drug cycle all over again. She went to prison four times.

When she was out of prison, Tonya often had her children with her living in an apartment. She would sometimes find her possessions sitting outside for failure to pay the rent. Her mother paid the bill so that she had a place to live. Her mother also stopped by her home often to make sure the children had something to eat.

“I remember being on a five-day binge and my daughter was hungry and tried to make a sandwich for my son. All I had in the house was a moldy onion and moldy bread. I hit my daughter because I did not want her to eat it.”

Tonya knew shoplifting would not work for her anymore and she turned to prostitution. She remembers jumping out of moving trucks on the highway. By 1999, she was homeless and eating out of garbage cans. Her addiction was full blown.

“One man beat me real bad with a baseball bat for an hour and a half and bruised my face. It’s amazing I had no broken bones in my face.”

Tonya was a familiar face to area police, social service agencies, and the court system. She had already been to drug treatment programs eight different times. She had “done it all.” She was given an opportunity to participate in Adult Drug Court and was accepted into the program.

Adult Drug Court is a treatment-based program for adults who are charged with certain felony crimes and face criminal prosecution. The program offers non-traditional and individualized treatment for chemical dependency as an alternative to criminal prosecution. A team approach is used and features rigorous treatment, coordinated with intensive supervision, random drug and alcohol testing, regular and frequent court appearances and educational opportunities. A combination of rewards and sanctions are used to motivate and encourage participants toward recovery. Upon successful completion of the program, the court dismisses the criminal charges. 

Tonya was referred to CICTA and arrived with a “big attitude.” She had been a crack addict for 19 years and a prostitute for 15 years. It took her 90 days to finally “surrender” and let others help her. She began to deal with her issues and the deep hurts in her soul.

Today, Tonya has been substance free for five years. She is a home owner and is going to school to further her education.  She is also happily married.

“I love me today,” she says with a big smile. “I have a dream of becoming a drug counselor.  I love people and I want to help them.”

Tonya has a relationship with her father and “loves him for who he is.” Her mother is also in recovery.  Her daughter, age 20, is attending college and her 19-year-old son attends school and works at a local restaurant.

“Life is wonderful,” she exclaims. “I have no desire to get high. My Higher Power and recovery are everything to me. I attend CA meetings daily and stay connected with my support network.  I am a very spiritual person. My message is – don’t give up on anyone.”